"Are you looking for the answers you want, or the right ones?"

I'm considered a "liberal" on moral issues by my Christian friends because I advocate for equality between men and women, am sympathetic towards gender questioning, like the idea of evolution, and think that homosexuality could be part of God's plan for the world. I am liberal because I question orthodoxy. I search for testimonies on both sides. I am unwilling to take "the Bible says so" as the only reasoning, instead searching deeper for how we interpret the Bible. For me, it is not enough to simply take Bible as literally the words of God. It is translated from multiple languages. It is imbedded with cultural context. It is only a snapshot of God's work in the world.

For some, perhaps I now sound dangerously heretical. I have some sympathy with that, but then, mostly I think they haven't listened very hard. I love the Bible. I love the poetry and the stories and the songs. I love that God left us his story and that he continues to let us read it. I see it as essential to Christianity, to begin to understand his greatness. It is beautiful and it is good and I do not say things that seem contradictory with lightness. In fact, my question, though often stated badly, is generally, "Why is this belief contrary to the Bible? How has belief been confirmed through prayer and, sometimes, observation?"

Again, I'm getting a little heretical here. Confirm the Bible? What arrogance. Yes indeed, what arrogance. I am in total agreement there. God of the universe gives me a textbook and I choose to question it. Except that churches have been doing it for centuries. We made divorce almost acceptable in many churches. We have outlawed slavery. In many churches women can speak, though generally not preach. Men wear their hair long and women chop it all off. Those are a few things that many Protestants have accepted within their communities. They have prayed or observed or studied, probably a bit of all three, and decided that this new course is how we shall live today. The Bible is true. How we apply the Bible, well, that's a little more open to interpretation.

Of course, now I'm just falling down a slippery slope. What is the point of the Bible if we can ignore it's commandments? Why call ourselves Christians with we start to allow all and any beliefs? First, note that I have not questioned the sovereignty of Christ. The Apostle's Creed describes our central tenants quite well. I'm not even questioning if the Bible was inspired by God and I hold the Bible as central to understanding God.

What I am questioning, fundamentally, is how the church defines sin. There are a great many things in the Old Testament which are no longer considered sin, but instead directions to a specific people at a specific time. The church continues to study these teachings, not to apply them, but to understand God. We look for common themes, maybe key verses that seem to summarize a piece of God's character.

Why then, do we assume that Paul's writings are still word for word applicable to us today? Maybe they are and maybe they aren't, that's not actually my point. My point is why do we assume they must be? That, for the New Testament to be considered spiritual authority, Paul's letters must be a moral treatise to us all. Perhaps because once we begin to diverge from the Bible we will splinter into hundreds of fractions that can barely be called a cohesive community. Except that we've already done that. Maybe it's because if one word cannot be trusted, then the whole must be destroyed. But no church preaches every word of the Bible as truth anymore and we continue to be guided by his word.

So the question I ask, in the back of my mind, is have I made the Bible into God? And if I have, how do I fix that? If the Bible, and an orthodox understanding of it, is the moral guidebook for my life, I know (more) about how I need to live. But, I see so much in the world that the Bible doesn't cover. I see Christians quoting the Bible, but ignoring the poor. I see Christians judging without listening. I see disunity. I see divorce. I see brokenness. And I see myself following in their steps more often than not.

Here, I find the solution is to listen for God. That is a whole other bucket of worms, eh? Humanities' ability to hear God does not have a terribly good track record. It's why we look outside ourselves for confirmation of his voice. Which is definitely right, I just wonder if many Christians have lost the ability of listening to God in favour of always trusting the literal words of the Bible, as each person interprets it. Because, when I listen to God, when I look at the world. I see beauty in homosexuality, I see God's greatness being extended to cover a multitude of genders, and I see strong women raised up to preach for him.

That could be wrong! I'm not saying it's right. In fact, I could give you some concrete examples of how this uncertainty has harmed my life. But I could also give you examples of how certainty has also hurt me. I'm just saying, that when I listen for the voice of God, that is what I hear and what I see confirmed in the world. My respect for the Bible holds me back, but I still seek to reconcile these things. In my arrogance, I still hope for reconciliation instead of rejection.

And, even as I write this, a little part of my heart cries at the fact that Christians are spending so much time on this debate. It is, admittedly, the foundation of our religion, but when will we act? If I had spent this time serving others instead of writing, my roommates would have a clean apartment. What if I spend my energy on service instead of ideas? It hurts my heart that we are all so broken that debates take up so many resources. But, we are what we are, and God redeems it all.

Psalm 23

I used to go to sleep hugging my Bible.

I believed it could protect me from my fears. That the words inside brought courage and life and salvation. Psalm 23 stood in front of me, guarding me from imaginary monsters. God's staff led me through the dark valley of the shadow of death, and I always woke up the next morning.

Some days weren't as much fun as others, some nights had a few more monsters. But I knew those words would make everything ok - that even when I was too scared to wake up Mom, my Bible would let me sleep.

Then, like all of us, I grew up. The world became a lot bigger and a lot scarier. Turns out there are real monsters, working on tearing everything apart. Or, that's what it felt like. Being a teenager brings out the dramatic. But I still believed, after all, no monsters had ever attacked me, what really was there to doubt?

Until, I realized I had a monster. That everyone has their own little monsters living inside of them. Some of us bury it in secret, others use it openly, but all of us hurt each other. The Bible calls it sin, and says that Jesus defeated it when he came to live inside of me (or rather, the Holy Spirit). That perfect love casts out fear, all fear, and that we are conquers and coheirs with Christ. The thing is, my monster stayed alive and well, not matter how hard I prayed. I saw other monsters inside my family, my friends, and heard stories of how many people monsters killed every day.

Somehow, it's hard not to feel lied to when the enemy is still so powerful.

But that's ok, I knew that I just wasn't strong enough to contain my monster. Maybe my faith was a little shaken, but there was still hope. I could defeat my monster with devotionals, church, prayer, and fellowship. The battle was not yet lost! Maybe the Bible made much less sense, and the monsters seemed a lot more alive, but that was just because I didn't believe enough. Each step got me closer.

Except that's when I first got a glimpse of the world, just a tiny one, through stories and histories and textbooks. Theories and facts danced in my head as I left home for the first time, and saw just how big the monsters were. Psalm 23 didn't stand a chance, no force behind it. The Bible felt so weak compared to the busy, and terrifying, world, I finally decided to start seeing.

I kinda mark that first year away from home as when I stepped away. Walked away would imply commitment, and I just wasn't willing to give up entirely. I realized that my beliefs were flawed, but not willing to leave. I still prayed, studied, explored, and debated, but there was a new wall. The Bible couldn't protect me from the monsters, but on the other hand, the idea of love that casts out fear, who could truly give that dream up? Also, there was the fact that so many intelligent men and women around me believed in God, despite their deep understanding of the world and its evils.

Now, I don't know. I quote the Bible. I love to worship. My church is my home. But the church is flawed. My interpretation of the Bible misses something completely. And something is just... wrong. God lets monsters run loose and he doesn't seem to fight, at least not around me. I blame him for abandoning me, maybe for abandoning all of us. But underneath my anger, I think I just want him to notice, to remember, to be the savior I wish he was, not the savior I can see.

I see other people around me speaking "his" words, and bringing death. I see beauty blossom out of shameful things. I see the monsters being defeated in creative ways everywhere, not just in church. I see growth through heresy and pain in tradition. My little morality has trounced by the complexity of God's creation. Pastors encourage me to have faith like a child, but it would be a lie to be blind again. How can I separate truth any more? I ponder this constantly, weighing opinions and creating my own.

Still, I have hope that Christianity is the right place to be. That I really can hear God's voice. That there's something here that the rest of the world is missing. I'm just really not sure right now what that thing could be, not when I see those monsters running freely in the church, just as they do everywhere else.

Waves

"Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming."

"Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is Christ." - Ephesians 4:14-15

Knowing the context of Ephesians, I assume Paul was writing about pagan teachings and heresies, instructing his followers not to be tricked by the newest fashions in theology. And today that holds true. There are so many theories, theologies, belief systems, moral codes, and ideologies that it's like slowly drowning in a sea of ideas. I could spend my life evaluating each one, and still die without truly understanding more than a few systems. So much cultural and individual thought influences even the simplest ideas, how can I keep from finding truth in many systems? How can I stand firm under a weight of information? When one way feels right, but contradictions tradition, which way do I go?

God did not make a static religion. While he doesn't change, his interactions with his followers does. Maybe that's because we are flawed and it really all should have stayed the same for millennia, but striving for that seems a little strange. We can't stop change, only God can, and he clearly hasn't made a static world. Obviously, not all change is good, but as Christians, we can evaluate which traditions to uphold. For example, the method of baptism is no longer crucial in most Protestant circles. It's important and debated, but not something that church-goers are generally willing to split over. We don't murder people over it anymore.

Our single issue topics have changed as society changes. Our understanding of the Bible has been fundamentally altered, tossed by governments and church leaders and new understandings. Therefore, how can I stand on my beliefs, knowing them to be, at best, flawed. At the worst, they can directly harm others around me.

But, I'm learning that having no firm beliefs can be just as damaging. Understanding what and why I believe is foundational to my character, and for me, that means a lot of questions. Because I love tradition. I want to believe what my pastors preach. I want to simply join the Christian community with faith, no arguing. But that's not who I am, and that's currently the truth I am choosing not to have tossed by the waves of opinions around me.

Note: This probably sounds like a reaction to Trump and the current divisions in the church. But it's something that I've been struggling with for years as I have struggled with traditional understandings of the Bible.

"Subiendo... y bajando"

"Subiendo... y bajando. Subiendo... y bajando."

"Up.... and down. Up... and down."

The little boy next to me gives me a brief smile, humming with me as I sing the instructions for tracing the capital "O" over and over and over. It's one brief moment of concentration in the middle of the on-going battle to make him sit for more than 30 seconds. "Subiendo... y bajando. ¡Casi! ¡Casi has terminado! ¿Una mas, para mi? Subiendo... y bajando."

But, pretty soon, the boys at the table nearby start fighting over playdough ("¡Esta robando mi plastilina profe!") and the moment ends. He looks up, distracted, and drops his crayon. Probably not on purpose, this time at least, but that means he needs to get up, get the crayon, and then settle back in again. Today, I am lucky, he actually comes back. Normally he goes straight to the closet, pretending to hide, or to the door, staring out at the larger kids at recess. Or, on a really bad day, over to the other boys to steal some of their blocks.

But today, today is a good day. Even though he will do nothing without me sitting next to him, today he wants my attention more than the distractions of toys and shouting kids. So we sit, blocking out the room, tracing dotted lines clumsily, singing, "Subiendo... y bajando. Subiendo... y bajando."

Friends and First-Graders

So, I am back in Latin America! I've been in Costa Rica for two weeks and in a week I leave for Nicaragua. I should be home in early December. 

So, what am I doing here?

First I traveled with my best friend from college. Beaches and forest and monkeys and ants and math and sand castles and buses and dancing and fun and dresses and yay. Not only did I get to have her around for ten whole days, I got to be a tourist in Costa Rica for the first time. It was perfectly wonderful.

Now, I am staying a YWAM buddy and working with an organization called Transforma. It's program that gives local women the opportunity to develop skills and start their own business through classes and mircofinancing. One of my friends is a full time volunteer, so I'm learning about the ministry and supporting her for about a week. If you want more information, check out their facebook page: just search Transforma, Costa Rica. (Really, do that. I spend like all morning helping translate fb statuses. It was fun. And the group is awesome).

Next is Nicaragua, where I will working Esperanza Granada and living with a local family. The organization supports teachers both with English classes and with homework help (I'm hoping to work with first graders). They also do a number of other things in the community. More on that to come as I understand it and experience it for myself. Here's a link to the website, if you're curious: http://www.la-esperanza-granada.org/. Between my host family and the kids, I expect to know a great deal more Spanish when I get home. No speaking English for me, thanks.

Then it is home for Christmas. And time to plan where I'm going next. 

Vulnerability

Someone asked me the other day whether, in general, the ends justified the means. I said, well, it depends, obviously, but often in day to day life I find that the results are more important than the way I got there.

As I'm writing this, I have no idea why I answered that, because my last few years have been a random collection of choices where the journey is more important than the end result. So therefore, I live my life as if the results are not nearly as important as getting there.

That being said, I *do* know how I justified my answer. I used the example of lying. Well, not lying, more "hiding what I really think in order to make someone feel loved and included." I pointed out that once I learned how to lie properly, I began to make friends. People didn't think I was nearly as awkward as before. Therefore, lying achieved good results.

But, now I realize how much time I've spent pretending. Not in big ways, particularly. There is really no way for me to conceal my personality forever. But I tried so hard to conform to what others needed or wanted, that I started losing myself. I wonder these days if I actually have hobbies or interests - I've just been doing what my friends liked. The things I do care about, I don't always want to admit.

Anyway, these days I worry so much about what other people think about me, that I end up unable to actually effectively look outside of myself. The mere mention of rejection sends me into tears. I thought that pretending could help others feel loved. It turns out, it just increases my selfishness.

Ok, that being said. I truly believe that in life there is room for white lies. There is room for doing a bit of pretending until trust between two people has been established. In fact, I think it is beneficial often to have both parties attempting to conform a bit. Still, there's an important balance to look at, and it might be time for me to learn how to be honest again.

Vulnerability 

Hope

Sometimes, God asks to give him things we don't want to give up.

Sometimes, it's not about the pain of today, but the joy of tomorrow.

Sometimes, he needs to teach a lesson.

Sometimes, there is no other way to come back home.

Sometimes, heartbreak is the best way to grow.

Sometimes, I know God is real because he has to be.

Buses

"You want to be close to God? Are you reading your Bible? Are you praying? When was the last time you actually listened? Not tithing, well, not surprising you're not hearing from him. It's all about self-discipline - that's how you find God."

Now, I've had a number of excellent mentors and pastors and teachers and all-around wonderful people in my life. They've attempted to teach me how to find God, as best they knew how. It didn't really work out.

Then, one leader left me alone for five days, over a holiday, when I most wanted someone.

And I found God on a bus. Actually, first I died of boredom, tried to think of something to do, and decided the most interesting thing was to pick random buses and ride them to small towns in Heredia, Costa Rica.

So that's what I did. Not only did I met some fun churches and cheap ice cream shops, I also discovered that hearing God is quite a bit easier with headphone and a moving bus. See, buses are these beautiful things that take you on adventures, without requiring much thought. Assuming you don't have to be on time for anything.

Now I'm home in the US, and I still ride the bus to work. I have this nice little time with God that I actually look forward to having, instead of dreading. It's soothing, riding the bus with him and a bit of worship music. It's not like my mentors/teachers/friends/pastors were wrong, I just listened to them rather than God.

If I hadn't been left alone, I never would have discovered this. Sometimes, leaders make irrational choices. Turns out, they can be right.

Paraeducating

I never thought I would work with kids. Actually, kids and I didn't get along for the majority of my life. Kids live in their own little worlds and I didn't feel any particular need to join in.

Then my aunt and uncle suggested I start subbing in the school district. I figured, why not? I needed the money and the school district needed the (wo)manpower, so I applied. Paraeducators (individual mentors within a special ed classroom) make $2/hour more than other positions, so I decided to do that.

My first day, the school had forgotten about me.

The second day, I couldn't get the kids to listen for anything.

The third day, I met Meg. Her legs don't work quite right and her vocab is limited to "hi" and "more."

The fourth day, I met Samantha. She can't sit still to save her life, but she loves her teachers and her mind whirls at a bazillion miles per hour.

By the fifth day I was in love.

Now, I'm spending the last few weeks of school in a long-term sub position, helping a pair of first graders to manage the treacherous array of schedule, transitions, classmates, and worksheets that stand in their way. Constant patient reminders result in quiet, responsible behavior, or a glaring "go away!"

I'm learning that the littlest things in life can be victories. And that persistent patience can work miracles. Who knew a manta ray stuffie could cause so much joy?

Anyway, that's what I'm doing right now, at least for the next two weeks. After that, I'm off to Nicaragua at the end of the summer to, hopefully, volunteer in a first grade classroom.

Outreach!

Well guys, it's almost Christmas, and I can officially say that enjoying 60 degree weather while staring at Christmas lights is incredibly odd. Very nice, of course, but definitely one of the stranger things I've experienced thus far.

DTS is going pretty well, we are learning a lot and have almost reached the end of lecture phase (two more days!!). This means the next step is outreach. Our group is going to El Salvador, Guatemala, and Honduras for a total of six weeks - leaving the 28th of December and returning to Costa Rica on February 16th. We will primarily be working with kids ministries, meeting with permanent organizations to help them with their programs. Right now all of us are helping prepare dramas, clown skits, and crafts in order to have a head start. Our DTS will also help the organizations with any cleaning or work projects that we can.

Basically, we are very excited for this opportunity to travel and support long-term missionaries. But we are also rather worried because we haven't raised all of our funds yet and there's only a week left. We still need $3500 in order to send all of us. In the large scheme, that's not very much, but in such a short time... God will provide, but last-minute is always hard. If you would please consider donating, that would be amazing. Follow the link below, scroll down to "current students," and write "DTS outreach."

http://ywamheredia.com/donate-now/

Also, we need prayer. So much prayer. This adventure is going to stretch my team of introverts so far out of our comfort zone, and while we are excited, we also recognize that this trip will be a challenge. Please remember us in your prayers as we start packing and preparing.

Prayer Requests:
- Group unity
- Ability to successfully show love
- Courage and safety
- Creativity and initiative within the group

Thank you so much!
- DTS Heredia, 2015

DTS 2015

My DTS - Nine girls, three guys (including the adorable married couple). Plus our three lovely leaders and you have our group of fifteen!

A Day of DTS

Friday was a perfectly wonderful day. Got up at 6:15 to feed to chickens and ducks, discovering that the female duck was not actually dead but just sitting on eggs in a dark corner. After grabbing my first cup of coffee, it’s time to practice Spanish for a bit (El elefante come una fresa. Las fresas son muy ricas.) Then it’s off to a nice breakfast of baked oatmeal, which after a few weeks of trial and error is finally cooked through.

By now, it’s 8:00 and the schedule for several complicated reasons has once again shifted. Time for class an hour earlier than normal! But that’s all good and class is over at 10:30, leaving time for a second cup of coffee before afternoon activities that got moved to the morning. Because following a schedule is for whimps and North Americans.

Ok, 12:30 lunch time, except twenty minutes late because someone forgot to get our awesome and over-worked cook a helper for the morning. So after helping serve, I scarf my food and head downstairs for some much needed introvert time. But on the stairs, I encounter my leader’s 12-year-old daughter, who’s having a really hard day and just needs to talk for a bit. I can do that! Until I see my friend sitting on a bench looking like she just wants to cry. We talk until it starts to rain, heading inside so I can change my clothes to work in the garden for a couple hours.

Chore time for me is from 2:00-4:00pm, with rotating chores every month. This month I get to be in the garden with two lovely ladies, making time to talk over the day as we pump water into the aquaponics system. Of course, one girl only speaks a little English, and it can be a bit difficult to communicate exactly what our leader told us to do for that day. But all good! Communication practice is always useful.

After thinning out cilantro in the multistory garden, my friends and I head back to the main house to change. I’m excited to do my laundry and spend some time watching a bit of tv, but I notice that my Spanish-speaking buddy is practically in tears. So I follow her into the bathroom and then sit with her as she cries silently for an hour. Not much I could do except provide a constant supply of hugs and Kleenex.

Ok, now its 5:00 and time for my one-on-one with an older volunteer on the base. With all that’s going on, I have decided I need as much guidance as I can get. She’s been working with YWAM for years, so we discuss what my priorities are as a DTS student and how to hold me accountable.

Finally dinner at 5:30. Time to eat and socialize. It’s not until 6:30 that I finish a nice chat with my DTS leader and head downstairs, hoping for some actual quiet. Thankfully, no one particularly wants to talk to me, so I get to read for 30 minutes. For once.

But the day is far from over. Next the whole group piles into the van, filling it to the brim with 16 people, and head off to the base leader’s house for some bonding. Popcorn, coconut pie, and chatting filled the next three hours, leaving us to fall into our beds at 10:00. Supposedly, but of course the 8 girls sharing my room need to chatter for a while before sleeping.

Then my alarm shakes me awake at 6:15 to go feed those chickens and start a new day of adventures. Welcome to YWAM.

Off Again! But this time with newsletters, hopefully.

There’s this funny thing about making plans – they have a distressing tendency to blow up in my face. For the past two years, I’ve wandered from place to place, always planning to return to the Seattle area and settle down. Instead, I’ve bounced around from Seattle to Oregon to Montana to Seattle to Costa Rica and back again. After my latest adventure to Costa Rica, I swore up and down that it would be my last trip. I had begun to get a handle on what God wanted to do with my life, and therefore I would finally get myself a real job and a real apartment. You know, pay bills and so forth. Like a proper adult.

But I’m still not ready to settle. The Environment and Resource Stewardship (EARS) allowed me to begin seeing a larger world, introducing me to the power that God can have in others’ lives, but a simple introduction hasn’t been enough. My experience with Christianity and God has been very small, and frankly, rather damaging. Most of the time, I have seen Christians only talking about God changing their lives. However, at YWAM I have encountered people who want to be a part of the kingdom Jesus describes so vividly. Now, I’m heading back to Costa Rica in six weeks to do a Discipleship Training School (DTS) with Youth with a Mission (YWAM). It’s the same base that I worked with when I did EARS earlier this year.

As I head off to DTS, I’ve decided I want others to be more involved in my journey. In my past travels, I rarely made the attempt to share the knowledge I gained or the bits of God I’ve discovered. I do not want anyone to misunderstand my thoughts. Some of my most important friends are non-Christian and many have been seriously hurt by the church. I never want to contribute to that pain or align myself with the parts of the church that are so seriously broken. Following that line of thought, I have no desire to make my Christian friends feel criticized as I question my faith and the meaning of Christianity in my life. Therefore, I tried to keep much of my story to myself. After all, how can I possibly describe seemingly small experiences that had a large impact on my life? How could I get others to see how God works in little things when I just barely believe it myself?

I want to invite all of you to follow my wanderings as I prepare for DTS. Unlike EARS, DTS is designed to stretch the faith of students and help them discover where they fit in the world. The course is divided into three parts: knowing God, knowing yourself, and finding out how you fit into the world. This is all covered at base during the first three months, then we go on outreach for another two months. Outreach, in my single experience, is a combination of trying to serve others and learning from mistakes, all the while trying to figure out what God has to teach. In total, it’s about five months of travel and spending time with God.

During this trip, I’m going to try sending out a monthly newsletter. While I have my blog, it doesn’t have the accountability I apparently need to keep writing. If you want to receive updates from me, facebook me your email or simply shoot me a message at jessiekbyron@gmail.com.

Please keep me in your prayers. My story is only a small part of the world, but sometimes the little things can have an impact. My greatest hope is that DTS will teach me how to show God’s love to others. 

Costa Rica Reflections: RICE

Costa Ricans love rice. Or lots of them do, apparently. At base, most meals have rice included. Gallo Pinto, the national meal, is a lovely combination of rice and beans. Rice is just the food. Everywhere.

I love rice.

I came home and cooked rice.

Rice is the best thing ever. Especially rice with coconut oil.

Rice made a particular impression on me, particularly because most of my team seemed to find it impossible to be ambivalent about rice. They hated it or they loved it, no one seemed to just vaguely appreciate it.

So my impression of food in Costa Rica, fair or not, was "YUMMY RICE."

Costa Rica Reflections: A Word from God

Janurary 28, 2015

My friend said he had a word for me: God will build my faith. Not only that, he is not demanding my faith, but inviting me to learn more about him. It's gonna be an interesting 6 months.

I reacted as any well-bred lady would: punched the ground and wandered off in tears, without letting my friend finish his sentence, of course.

A little bit about my emotions when I got to Heredia. The Christianity I learned as a kid had transformed itself into some complicated guilt tripping thing with a God I didn't particularly want to know. Also, the church, while occasionally supportive and wonderful, had an irritating tendency to emotionally hurt my friends. Between my former youth pastor, my parents, and some of my friends, I could see that Christianity wasn't worth leaving, but something had to change. Going to YWAM was partially a search for a different Christianity and partially the hope that God would start talking to me.

To sum it up, me and Christianity were having a bit of a conflict. The very last thing I wanted to hear was to "have faith." No, I wanted Christianity to just make sense, like magic, without work. I'd made the first step, gone to a different country, and planted myself in a place for him to show up. Instead of seeing signs and miracles, I worked through a number of smaller experiences with God. From reconciling my views of the Bible to taking more of a leadership position on outreach, I began to learn how a strong faith could affect my life.

When I heard my friend's words back in January, I doubted they would ever mean anything. Now I think they sum up my experiences quite well. More on that later.

Costa Rice Reflections: Unofficial Team Rules

One of the running jokes (and challenges) for our team was the lack of structure. All of us were as stubborn as hell and didn't take well to any sort of authority. So at the end of outreach, some of my teammates and I created this list of unofficial rules that we had dedicatedly followed throughout the trip.

• Be on time for meals (and everything else)
• Make time to do your devos
• Don’t put boogers on people
• Be present for team activities
• Make everything difficult for everyone
• Have as few rules as possible
• Discuss poop and beards at least once a day
• Eat as little rice as possible
• 1. Hate on pancakes and hotdogs
• Talk about food for at least an hour per day
• Keep at least one person out of the loop
• Change the schedule at least once a day (preferably more)
• Have one or more deep conversations per day
• Always blame an imaginary person (preferably Ashley or Trevor)
• Don’t forget Dave
• ALWAYS carry extra toilet paper

Costa Rica Reflections: Introduction

After 6 months of traveling, I'm finally home again! Wifi was awful in most of the places I stayed, so I completely neglected my blog (and facebook and talking to people in general), but it's time to start up again.

For the next couple weeks I'm going to be posting a variety of stories from Costa Rica, though not very many pictures since I didn't take any and I haven't bugged my teammates into giving me theirs. Still, there are many thoughts and reflections that I would love to share with you. God has been doing a lot in my life and I've grown more than I thought possible back in January.

An overview:
I spend 3 months in Costa Rica learning about Environment and Resource Stewardship (EARS) before leaving on outreach. Outreach was a 3 month phase where we (theoretically) applied what we learned during our lectures. Our destinations were Panama and Columbia, and we spent time with a total of 5 indigenous communities working with local churches. We had 9 students, though sadly one of them couldn't make it to Columbia with us, so we ended the trip with 8 of us. A lot of our work was geared towards teaching environmental stewardship and Biblical worldview principles. As usual on a mission trip however, we spent a great deal of time playing with kids and just talking with the community.

My team! We ate lunch in Peru one day - it was just a boat ride away from the base in Leticia.

Chicken Death

Welp, I now know how to kill and pluck a chicken. Next week I'll figure out how to gut one. Dead chickens are actually more entertaining than you'd think. And they don't smell awful.

Life Skills

The past two months have been filled with so much learning. I can now use a drill, milk a goat, explain the process of a biodigester, complete a short conversation in Spanish, clean wood of bark, identify the basic differences between pvc pipe fittings, and build a composting system. For me, that's a lot more hands-on knowledge than I've ever had the opportunity to accumulate. Kinda, pathetic, but celebrate with me guys!

However, mostly I've been learning about community, especially how to actively participate rather than simply watching. My fellow students have supported me as I attempt to lead, allowing me opportunity and fixing my mistakes when I fail. Even as we are struggling with frustrations about our upcoming outreach mission to Panama and Columbia, we continue to laugh together. Every one of us comes from a different background, but that just means that we each have a lot to learn about each other. It feels as if every week someone is teasing me about reading so much, but at least once a day I'm snarking at my gun and beard obsessed friends. Seriously, beards. Who knew you could talk so much about them?

I definitely did not expect to learn so much about community while being in the EARS school, but I think that these experiences will shape more of my life than any practical knowledge I get here. Though, it is great to actually feel as if I could implement some of these sustainable development tools - either as teaching tools at home or in the mission field. I needed the practical knowledge before I can make a difference with my own gifts, so EARS has been perfect for me. Occasionally frustrating, yes, but that's part of any school.

Celebrating birthdays. Birthdays = cake, so they are kinda the best days. Except our teachers get annoyed because we all end up late for class or taking a very extended break.

Sleeping in class - all of us in solidarity

Somehow we always end up having massage trains in restaurants. I'm not sure how it started, but it's kinda hilarious.

Traveling to the beach. All the time. 

This is Fast Track, one of my new favourite games. It involves teams, lots of yelling, and a great deal of killing the other players.

The newest big thing on base is the ropes course. It's a bunch of different elements designed to encourage team building in a variety of ways. This particular one, the flying squirrel, had all of us on a rope hoisting the person on the other end into the air. It was definitely fun both running the other people up and being flown into the air. 

Aquaponics

This week my class is learning about, and helping build, aquaponics systems. It's a sustainable system that hooks a fish tank up to growing beds, using the water and nutrients from the fish tank to nourish the plants. It wastes less water, uses a small spaces, removes the need for chemical fertilizer, and produces both fish and plants for people to eat. Really pretty cool, though I must admit at this point I only understand the basics. If you want to know more, contact me at the end of the week and I'll probably be able to tell you much more!

Here are some pictures from the beginning stages (courtesy of Ms. Gloriann). I'll post more when we're done! Hopefully that will be at the end of the week, but it depends on when we can get all the materials.

This is the grow bed in it's initial stages

We divided the big bed up into 6 smaller sections. The pump that bring the water from the fish tanks to the plants will most likely be in the middle so that the water is more evenly distributed.

We're working so very hard! See, we even managed to keep a plant alive. Not really - I'm not sure what type of plant it is or who planted it. It might be a weed. Or spinach. Kinda smells like spinach to me.