Tradition

One of my good friends just wrote a piece on tradition and its value vs. technology (http://savannahcordry.wordpress.com/2014/07/26/tradition/). It's one of my favourite paradoxes to consider, so I thought I'd continue the conversation here, but with a more limited scope: the church. This is one of the places that is both helped the most by tradition, and yet so hindered by it.

First, I should note that I hate parts of tradition. Women should be allowed to speak, dress, and act as they please. Men should be allowed to express their emotions, give hugs, and dislike sports without judgment. Christians have fervently upheld many of the traditions that trap both men and women in little boxes based on sex, refusing to allow their unique talents flourish.

However, my favourite place to worship is in the grand cathedrals of Europe or Central America. Here you can feel the contradictions of Christians - servants and slaves built these beautiful buildings because their masters believed they were truly loving God. But then, there are the parts made by the master craftsmen. The places with such detail and beauty, you glimpse a bit of heaven. In these traditions, in these holy places, you can glimpse the wider world of Christianity and all it has encompassed over the centuries. Whatever your thoughts on Christians, our history is not something to be dismissed lightly.

Similarly, tradition brings us closer together, while tearing us apart. Belief in the cross holds us together, until some break with tradition as others cling tight. Tradition cannot be the end or the beginning of our faith, but in many ways it feels like the glue that holds us together. I want to weave the central part of tradition into my life, but reject the parts that disrespect and hate others. Not only do I want to learn from tradition, I want to actively use it to shape my life and use the wisdom (or mistakes) of others before me.

Why?

Today I spent the morning and afternoon running around with two great chatterbo kids, an 8 year old girl and a five year old boy. This resulted in several rather awkward conversations, but this was the true gem of the day:

Boy: "How old are you?"
Me: "22"
Boy: "Are you a mama?"
Me: "No..."
Boy: "Why?"
Me: "I'm not married, so I don't have kids" (keep it simple - he can learn about single parents later, and not from me)
*silence*
Boy: "Why?"
Me: "Um, I haven't met the right person yet" (Seriously, is there a worse question for a single, Christian, twenty-something watching her friends get married off?)
Girl: "Well how do you know who the right person is?"
Me: "Um, well, um, uh, everyone has different ideas..."
Boy: "Why?"
Me: "..."

And the conversation ended shortly after that, probably with the two kids having no greater understanding of romance.

This just barely won out over the brief discussion of armpit hair and why girls shave it and guys don't.

Average

I've never viewed myself as particularly average. In school, I've always been one of the smart kids. In social situations, I've been the really shy ones. In places I'm comfortable, I'm an odd duck. Other people have noted that I'm very nice and kind. For good or bad, I've always had some defining characteristic that no one really shares with me.

For fun, I just took a fairly long online personality test. The format was a bit different than what I've encountered, so I was able to answer more truthfully than normal. Pretty much, it told me I was just like anyone else my age. Is the test right? Who knows, who cares. What got me thinking was how disappointed I was in being average.

Now that I'm graduated, I'm not special. I'm not different. I'm just one in a billion people wandering around doing stuff. The fact is that I can be ok with that. If I want, I could strive to do something that would hold me out of the average camp or I could do something more "normal," but just as meaningful. It doesn't matter.

I have the choice to base my worth on my own judgments. Meaning is what I make of it. I can choose to believe I am worthwhile because God loves me. Or because my parents love me. Or because I love stacking birdseed. Average is not an expression of worth, but simply an interesting factoid. Think about it this way, would you rather be known as unique or kind? Is it important to be known at all? Probably depends on the person.

Anyway, growing up is hard, just fyi.

Yay!

Things I'm not scared of any more:

- Strangers
- Large groups of strangers
- Garages, dark streets, my car at night, or any where a monster/criminal could be living out of sight
- Attracting attention through my appearance
- Breaking rules, within limits
- Coffee dates with people I don't know so well. An hour long conversation used to leave me exhausted, now it doesn't
- Lakes/oceans
- Randomly ending up on stage in front of a bunch of people, say to help the speak display a toy Thomas the Tank Engine as a visual aid
- My relatives. Used to freak me out that there was this bunch of practical strangers I had to converse with once-twice a year. Now I can love them and enjoy family gatherings.
- Airports
- Driving
- Eating with people I don't know very well
- Using public restrooms

Basically, having social anxiety sucks. It made my world very small and very scary for a long time. Now I'm getting a handle on it and I'm happy. Most of you will not understand this at all or think many of the things on this list are silly, but trust me, the silliest things can be very frightening indeed. In a world run by extroverts, my introverted anxiety driven brain can get a little squashed. I am thankful that my particular anxiety is controllable and I pray for those who don't have options.

Anime Review

I wrote a review of a anime for a friend's blog. Not gonna post it here because the majority of you don't watch anime, so no point spamming my blog. But if you want to read it, head over here:

http://spoilingeverythingdesu.tumblr.com/

Oh, and for anyone who wants to start watching anime (or get a better idea of what it is that I'm so obsessed with) I would very much recommend a visit! She does an excellent job of reviewing and has excellent taste.