Hope

Sometimes, God asks to give him things we don't want to give up.

Sometimes, it's not about the pain of today, but the joy of tomorrow.

Sometimes, he needs to teach a lesson.

Sometimes, there is no other way to come back home.

Sometimes, heartbreak is the best way to grow.

Sometimes, I know God is real because he has to be.

Buses

"You want to be close to God? Are you reading your Bible? Are you praying? When was the last time you actually listened? Not tithing, well, not surprising you're not hearing from him. It's all about self-discipline - that's how you find God."

Now, I've had a number of excellent mentors and pastors and teachers and all-around wonderful people in my life. They've attempted to teach me how to find God, as best they knew how. It didn't really work out.

Then, one leader left me alone for five days, over a holiday, when I most wanted someone.

And I found God on a bus. Actually, first I died of boredom, tried to think of something to do, and decided the most interesting thing was to pick random buses and ride them to small towns in Heredia, Costa Rica.

So that's what I did. Not only did I met some fun churches and cheap ice cream shops, I also discovered that hearing God is quite a bit easier with headphone and a moving bus. See, buses are these beautiful things that take you on adventures, without requiring much thought. Assuming you don't have to be on time for anything.

Now I'm home in the US, and I still ride the bus to work. I have this nice little time with God that I actually look forward to having, instead of dreading. It's soothing, riding the bus with him and a bit of worship music. It's not like my mentors/teachers/friends/pastors were wrong, I just listened to them rather than God.

If I hadn't been left alone, I never would have discovered this. Sometimes, leaders make irrational choices. Turns out, they can be right.

Paraeducating

I never thought I would work with kids. Actually, kids and I didn't get along for the majority of my life. Kids live in their own little worlds and I didn't feel any particular need to join in.

Then my aunt and uncle suggested I start subbing in the school district. I figured, why not? I needed the money and the school district needed the (wo)manpower, so I applied. Paraeducators (individual mentors within a special ed classroom) make $2/hour more than other positions, so I decided to do that.

My first day, the school had forgotten about me.

The second day, I couldn't get the kids to listen for anything.

The third day, I met Meg. Her legs don't work quite right and her vocab is limited to "hi" and "more."

The fourth day, I met Samantha. She can't sit still to save her life, but she loves her teachers and her mind whirls at a bazillion miles per hour.

By the fifth day I was in love.

Now, I'm spending the last few weeks of school in a long-term sub position, helping a pair of first graders to manage the treacherous array of schedule, transitions, classmates, and worksheets that stand in their way. Constant patient reminders result in quiet, responsible behavior, or a glaring "go away!"

I'm learning that the littlest things in life can be victories. And that persistent patience can work miracles. Who knew a manta ray stuffie could cause so much joy?

Anyway, that's what I'm doing right now, at least for the next two weeks. After that, I'm off to Nicaragua at the end of the summer to, hopefully, volunteer in a first grade classroom.