"All You Need is Jesus"

Robin Williams died today. He committed suicide. So many people laughed at his movies, but in the end, I guess it wasn't enough. Makes me want to cry.

In reaction to this, some Christians look at Williams' life, shake their heads, and say "all he needed was Jesus, then he wouldn't have been depressed." To them, it's a non-issue with a single solution: know God and you will have all of the joy you need. Because no Christian would ever lose the hope Jesus gave them, after all, depression is simply an emotion, right?

But depression is not only an emotional reaction to our surroundings, it's also a biological issue, treatable with drugs and therapy. It is a problem, not an easily dismissed figment of some disturbed mind. People suffering from depression need support and help, just as any of us would if we contracted a disease. As Williams just proved, depression can kill. It is not a non-issue.

I admit, I've never been diagnosed with chronic depression, but I do have anxiety and take medication for it. Since I started taking it, my life has improved drastically. Yes, in my case medication was not the sole factor in helping me overcome anxiety, but it helps a lot more than I had hoped. Is it a placebo effect? Maybe, who knows. I personally don't care. The fact that it helps tells me that I needed a boost to get out of the hole my anxiety created and start looking at the world around me.

As far as I can tell, depression is like this as well. Yes, praying and having a relationship with God is theoretically the best medicine, but would you treat a disease solely with prayer? No. Would you tell a friend going those the loss of a loved one simply to know Jesus more? No. So don't treat depression like a simple little issue that can be wiped away by "knowing Jesus." Life is so much more complex, as much as Christians would like God to fix everything.

That might not have sounded like a rant to you, but guys, I'm pissed off by anyone who insults depression by shoving it off. People are hurting and we are the church - love others, don't demean their problems. Listen. Help. Leave judgment to God. Just because you personally have not experienced a sadness so deep that you can't walk away does not mean to dismiss the problem.

I've had extroverts do the same thing to my anxiety. It affects my faith to this day. Sometimes we need to listen instead of fixing problems.

Memories

Today I sat with my mom in a beautiful tea shop, just talking and enjoying each other's company.

There are so many favourite memories.

The Nosebag watching my dad take his first bite of clotted cream.

Tea and biscuits in an attic room as my roommate and I watched North & South.

Tea and scones on the floor of another room gushing over David Tennant's pretty face.

Countless conversations in the Rendezvous as we recovered from a long day at the library.

The day the stress of Oxford made me break into tears and my roommate was there to drag my off to a comforting cup, despite her own busy day.

Snow piled high around a Finnish house as a friend's mom lays out an amazing tea.

Another roommate walking in to find me curled up on her bed in tears after a recent breakup and promptly asking if I needed tea, which she proceeded to make and then watch anime with me.

Mint tea made with loving hands and much complaining.

Deciding on iced tea flavours with Mom.

Carefully cleaning and polishing her old oak recipe box in order to fill it with our bags. Seeing many memories and stories hidden in its hinges.

Handing a 5 year-old his first cup, and watching him spill it all over himself.

Memories. No wonder the British are so obsessed with tea. It's like drinking a bit of home, all the different homes, even when I feel so far away.

Control

I'm a tiny little bit dyslexic. Not much, just enough to make spelling difficult and to switch around numbers more than some. Usually it doesn't bother me - just pay attention to reading numbers out loud and be constantly aware of double checking spelling.

Today though, I switched numbers and letters around constantly while completely paperwork with my boss. She would read a number to me and I would have it backwards. A customer or two had to spell their names twice. Apparently I was told to type "bry" and spelled "byr" several times before getting it right. I am completely convinced that I was spelling it right the entire time, but that's another story.

Anyway, it's weird to have your brain mess with inputs to spit out a different result. Not my favourite experience and shows that I probably can't stay up until midnight reading all that often.

Mostly though, I realize how much I hate being out of control. That's my safety zone. As my perceived control over my actions and environment grows, I feel more confident to explore and adventure. But take that control away, well, I'm not happy. Probably something I should work on.