Janurary 28, 2015
My friend said he had a word for me: God will build my faith. Not only that, he is not demanding my faith, but inviting me to learn more about him. It's gonna be an interesting 6 months.
I reacted as any well-bred lady would: punched the ground and wandered off in tears, without letting my friend finish his sentence, of course.
A little bit about my emotions when I got to Heredia. The Christianity I learned as a kid had transformed itself into some complicated guilt tripping thing with a God I didn't particularly want to know. Also, the church, while occasionally supportive and wonderful, had an irritating tendency to emotionally hurt my friends. Between my former youth pastor, my parents, and some of my friends, I could see that Christianity wasn't worth leaving, but something had to change. Going to YWAM was partially a search for a different Christianity and partially the hope that God would start talking to me.
To sum it up, me and Christianity were having a bit of a conflict. The very last thing I wanted to hear was to "have faith." No, I wanted Christianity to just make sense, like magic, without work. I'd made the first step, gone to a different country, and planted myself in a place for him to show up. Instead of seeing signs and miracles, I worked through a number of smaller experiences with God. From reconciling my views of the Bible to taking more of a leadership position on outreach, I began to learn how a strong faith could affect my life.
When I heard my friend's words back in January, I doubted they would ever mean anything. Now I think they sum up my experiences quite well. More on that later.
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