Value Problem

Over the years, I have connected my self-worth to academics. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have noticed if it hadn’t been for my boyfriend and the constant reminder that I am not a terribly academically minded person. I mean, I don’t particularly want to be a valedictorian, but I am filled with jealousy of the idea of him claiming that special honour. Part of it is that I selfishly think that I could be there, but I studied at Oxford and “killed” my GPA. But that is just a petty excuse – the real problem goes far deeper.

It turns out that I am unable to comprehend that I am a valuable person if I cannot be the best at something, particularly academics. Some people handle this sort of jealousy with ease and are able to shrug it off, maybe with a small pang. Not me. I get extremely frustrated with the people I can’t “beat,” growling at them in anger if they try to help me. I don’t want assistance – it hurts my pride – but they hear my irritation as a plea for a problem-solver. It’s really a cry for meaning, for someone to tell me that I really do mean more than just my academic standing. Maybe even encourage me that there is a job that I could do well.

All that to say, I apparently have a value problem. However, I refuse to be bitter and competitive, jealous of others’ success and always dissatisfied with my life. So, I’m going to try doing a month of blogs of what it means to have value in God. Fundamentally, I am a child of God and nothing can take that from me. I’ll probably focus primarily on single Bible verses, which is not particularly theologically sound, but I hope to pick out themes that are reflected in other parts of the Bible. And maybe, just maybe, I will actually remember to complete this project now that I have shared it with you.